Marriage

Marriage

When I met my wife Rebecca the church that I was going to (a non-denominational church) would not marry us.  According them, because we were living together, we were living in sin and we were setting a terrible example for Rebecca’s children and they would not condone it.  Later we went to Rebecca’s old church in Hampton, Va and the did marry us.  They by the way were a Presbyterian church.  My parents were also a little leery, I was 25 or so and Rebecca was 35 and she had two children and I had none.  I was Rebecca’s fourth husband but she was my first wife.  I knew that I loved Rebecca and I was quite sure that she loved me too.  Ours was a relationship that was odd to most, obscene to some, and just fine to others.

Looking back, my first girlfriend was a classmate from Tabb Elementary School.  She was beautiful, she had long dark hair and a beautiful smile.  He name was Trisha and she was a young black girl from a different part of town than what I was from.  I asked my grandma if she could come over one day and she was excited to meet this girl that I had spoken of so much.  As soon as my grandma laid eyes on Trisha I knew that something was wrong.  We played for the afternoon and I took Trisha out on to the pier at the end of the street and we fished and swam all day in the York River.  It was a great day.  After Trisha went home grandma pulled me aside and told me that if I brought another nigger to her house then I would be asked to leave right along with her.  I grew up in the South; I had heard the “n” word before but never out of her mouth.  I was shocked and angry.

I continued to date Trisha but as with most elementary school romances it eventually eroded.  My point is that I took a lot of flack for dating a woman of color, and I have since.  However, today mixed relationships are common place.  Mixed families are common place.  

There are many things that I do not know about gay marriage.  But there are some things that I do know.  I am not gay and I know for a fact that almost every gay person I know would not wish homosexuality on their worst enemy.  It is a difficult life to say the least.  While some people are gay because of past abuses, others are gay to make a statement and still others are gay because they were simply born that way.  Who am I to say who is gay or straight for what reason?  Why someone is gay is entirely their business and their choice.

Let me be clear about something.  I am a Christian to the core.  I love God and I truly believe that He loves me and everyone else for that matter.  But I must say that gay marriage should not be a polarizing issue.  If two people want to get married then by all means let them.  Marriage is not a religious institution.  Prior to someone being allowed to marry a couple, the must be given permission by the state, the Church has nothing to do with it.  You have to get a license to get married; it has nothing to do with the Church.  My personal beliefs are irrelevant when it comes to who should be with whom.  I am sure that the folks that were taking slaves from the Dominican Republic, Cuba and Hattie never imagined that us whites would be marrying them a hundred years later.   

 So often we inject the Church into scenarios where it has no right being.  We end up using the Church as a tool to accept some and reject others.  Jesus said clearly that “I came so everyone could have everlasting life.”  Not straight white males or rich white women.  Not just a proud black woman or a protective black father.  Everyone means everyone, at least the last time I checked it did.

If you were to ask me, do I like women?  I would answer with a resounding YES!  If you asked me why, I would say that I was born that way.  I have no control over my preference.  Just as I have no control over my love for fried chicken and carrot cake.  I can however choose not to over indulge, though I rarely do. I was just born that way.  All of my gay friends would say the same thing.  They were born that way.  

America is a place of freedom.  Freedom from the pressures of religion, sect, race or any other imaginary boundaries we can come up with.  God honors free choice.  As a matter of fact all other commandments in the New Testament are based on the law of free will.  If God honors free will, then who in the hell are we to dishonor it?  Without free will we are nothing.  We cannot choose to love without free will.  We cannot choose to be kind without free will.  We cannot choose to be accepting without free will.  If it weren’t for free will we would be robots that cannot think for ourselves.  God never intended us to be robots.  He has however called us to be kind, loving and accepting of those around us for His sake.  

So, while I see our country shaken to its core as the issue of same sex marriage becomes more and more of a hot topic, remember, ours is an evolving culture.  America is a melting pot of races, religions, lifestyles and languages.  While some would say that this is our greatest weakness, I say it is our greatest strength.  Honor free will for those around us, the same way the God honors it for you.

By Pat Caudill Jr

3/228/2013

               

Adam vs. Jesus

     Adam’s Rib and the piercing of Jesus’ side.  What do they have in common?  I’d say more than meets the eye.  Adam had his side opened up and a rib was removed so God could create woman, a help mate or in other words a bride for Adam. 

     Jesus gave his life to be a savior to mankind and in doing so facilitated us, the Church, becoming the Bride of Christ.  Adam modeled in the flesh, what Jesus accomplished in the spirit.

 

Genesis 2:21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs^[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib^[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

²³ The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.”

²⁴ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

John 19:34   Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus’ side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water.

Why Blood and water? 

Luke 3:16 John answered them all, “I baptize you with water. But one who is more powerful than I will come, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.

     Jesus’ blood had to be spilled so the Holy Spirit could come and minister to, in, and through us.  

     So what’s the big deal?  Some time ago, God gave me an image of Jesus on the cross and the spear lunging forward and actually piercing Jesus’ side.  While this in and of itself is disturbing I was compelled to ask God, “What is the significance here?  Why are you showing me this?”  Then He gave me another vision of God removing the rib from Adams side.  Again I asked, “Father, what reason do you have for showing me this?”    Here is a paraphrased version of what He told me.

     It important to understand that Christians are truly considered to be the Bride of Christ.  Just as Eve was created by material from Adam’s core, Christians are justified and saved by the water baptism and blood of Christ.  Jesus is referred to as the Lamb of God.  Blood must be spilled for sin to be forgiven.  We are Baptized by the water and cleansed by His blood.

     Again, Adam modeled in the flesh, what Jesus accomplished in the spirit.  This is important to understand because it reveals God understanding of the need for a savior as soon as man had life breathed into him.  We were in need for a savior prior to what is known as “the fall”. 

God, our Father, honors one law above all: The law of Free Will.  All other laws are secondary to this. 

     By honoring our free will, we chose to set aside our desires and wants and give Him the opportunity to exercise His desires and wants.  In doing so we hold on to the faith in  that what the Lord wants for us will be better, in the long run, than what we want for ourselves.   Not only will it be better for us but it will also be better for those around us and it will glorify and bring honor to Him.   

     The fact that God understood the need for a savior from the beginning diffuses a litany of questions regarding original sin and understanding Gods sovereignty.  Reality is, as soon as God breathed into Adams nostrils the law of free will was already in effect and as a result a savior was required.  

     So, The next time you read Genesis chapter two, read it with the knowledge that Christ accomplished in the spirit what Adam could only accomplish in the flesh.  Read it understanding that free will and the need for a savior go hand in hand.  Read it with the faith in your Heavenly Father that what he has in store for you is so much better than what you could ever imagine for yourself. 

When is it time to buy a new mattress? Once you do decide that you need a new one, where are the best deals?

By: Pat Caudill 5/13/13

     I have found that there are only two reasons to buy a mattress.  Either you don’t have one or the one you have is old and needs to go.  I’ll assume that you are looking for a new mattress because the old one hurts your back or it’s just too uncomfortable.  If that is the case, lying on a new mattress for thirty seconds in a store show room will not even come close to giving you an idea of its actual comfort level. 

 Here is a great way to get a feel for a mattress.  Before you leave your home, take the sheets off of your bed, remove all of the pillows and now you should be looking at nothing more than the bare mattress.  Keeping both hands open and fingers curled under each finger press down on random areas of your old mattress.  Note how it feels and come up with words that mean something to you: squishy, lumpy, soft, very soft, sharp, hard, inconsistent, or stiff.  Write them down and head out to Sam’s Club, Sears, JC Penny’s, Mattress Discounters, or your local Original Mattress Factory.  Based on the size and style of your previous mattress and using the same pushing method, find a similar mattress to you old one and start pushing and noting how it feels when you push.  This is the best way to compare apples to apples.  Then depending on your budget move up or down the model line until you find a mattress that will fit your needs and budget.  

     Keep in mind that everyone sweats, leaves behind bodily fluids, hair, skin, and who knows what else on their beds.  There is a study that was done some time ago that says that a mattress will weigh 50% more eight years after you purchased it, if it is your daily use bed.  What is the extra weight?  Well, let’s just say that there will be plenty of DNA to prove that, that is your mattress. 

I recently had to purchase a new mattress for a guest bed in our home.  I went on line and looked for the best deals but I was not able to really compare mattresses so I still didn’t feel as though I was able to make a truly informed decision.  Then I visited an actual mattress factory.  I essentially attended mattress 101.  I’m here to tell you that I’ll never look at a mattress the same again.  

There are two components to a mattress set:

1.        The Box Spring

2.       The Actual Mattress

     The Box Spring is essential for the mattress to bend and flex the way it was specifically designed to.  Without a real box spring you are immediately taking years off of your mattress.  I have found only one company that builds a true box spring for a mattress.  Original Mattress Factory.  While this is a big deal it’s not necessarily a deal breaker or a deal maker.  It is however a big plus.

     As far as the mattress goes there are so many options and sizes and comfort levels it’s mind boggling.  Here is what you need to know going into it.  All mattresses have the same type of padding.  The FDA and EPA require all mattresses to be made of a specific type of petroleum based foam due to its fire retardant abilities.   The rest is just coils and the cover.  Now before I get too much further, let me clarify, I am not addressing the Sleep Number type beds nor am I addressing the memory foam type of beds.  

     The mattress that you are looking for should have the firmness and still the comfort of a plush top layer that is comfortable to you and your spouse / significant other if necessary.  Here are some secrets that most bed manufacturers simply will not tell you.

1.        A mattress that has a pillow top has the exact same amount of filling / padding as the less expensive model, it’s just slightly more compacted because there is no pillow top to allow it to expand.  In 6 or 9 months your body will compress the foam and the $300  to $800 extra that you put down on that pillow top will be unrecognizable compared to the non-pillow top type mattress in the same class.

2.       The inner spring is the heart of the mattress.  Often the spring core of a mattress will have already begun rusting by the time you get it.  Not only that but quality of the core springs vary wildly.  The thicker the metal the longer it will last.  Ask to see the inside of the mattress, if they don’t have a cut away of the model of the mattress that you are looking for then don’t buy it. 

3.       Buying a mattress has as many trappings as shopping for a used car or at a carpet store.  Every sales person WILL attempt to upsell a higher end mattress and / or a warranty or some other “protection”.  Look, I’m all for companies making a profit.  However, I want a fair deal and I want to be treated with respect.  If you feel like you are getting played by the sales staff.  Walk out.  They are not the only show in town and you have a right to spend your money where ever you like.

4.       Delivery is usually about a $50.00 option.  If you have a king sized mattress going up stairs, it’s totally worth it.  They will even get rid of the old mattress for you too and they may even make the bed for you.  How great is that?!

5.       Flipping your mattress:  Many moons ago it was commonplace to literally flip your mattress once every six months or so.  This helped air out the mattress and it helped prevent sagging in the middle.  To save money most mattress companies only build one sided mattresses,  and in doing so, prevent you from flipping your mattress.  The goal is to ensure that the mattress wears out faster and you will in-turn need to buy a new mattress sooner.   They are cheaper to build that way and they can still charge you the same amount by claiming that its pillow top will ensure that it lasts longer.  This is simply not true.  They are essentially building in a disposal date into the mattresses.  The Original Mattress factory still to this day builds double sided mattresses.  They have a 12 year replacement warranty (non-prorated), which happens to be the best in the industry.

     Now I ended up purchasing a twin mattress for our granddaughter to sleep on while she is here visiting us.  My needs were specific; I knew exactly what I was looking for, and how I wanted the mattress to feel.  

     Normally I only mention a specific company if I feel that they have really impressed me, and to be honest, that rarely happens.  Well, the Original Mattress Factory had zero sales pressure, they were very knowledgeable, very respectful and I felt valued while I was shopping there.  They helped me load up the mattresses into my truck and I was off.  I ended up spending $350.00 on a twin mattress with a real box spring.  I have already decided that I will be getting our queen mattress replaced in the next year and I will be going back the Original Mattress Factory in Beavercreek. 

Words - Reflections on their Power

I spent my morning journaling about words spoken to and about me by some primary authority figures in my early life and came to the following conclusions:

1. My confidence is born out of encouraging words from those authority figures.
2. My negative beginnings end with rebuilding, restoring, compassion and healing; evidence of God's hand in countering pain in my life.
3. My grand mother was my primary source of love, encouragement and self-worth; she also defined my role-model for womanhood.
4. Most of the damage I received through words originated from those in authority over me.

Bottom line: I have the power to hurt and the power to encourage those around me, especially as a grand mother and a leader.When I speak to my grand daughter, the words I choose will ripple into her future; if they are encouraging words, her future can be impacted for the good. When I speak to those I lead, I have the ability to strengthen and encourage them with the words I choose.

I will admit this is a skewed perspective in that mine is the only experience examined; I would enjoy hearing of the experience others have had in respect to the impact words from authority figures have had on their lives...

Discussion between Rebecca and I this evening?  Was Jesus present prior to the creation of the world...  A great conversation indeed...

The Death of a Mixer

Thursday, August 23rd, 2012 will live forever as a day of infamy in the Caudill household.  It's the day that my 7qt, 1000watt mixer suddenly died.  6 years prior I had done hours upon hours of research for the best, heaviest duty, and longest lasting stand mixer.  The result was a new Viking mixer.  They were not cheap but I was willing to pay the price for a worthy product.  Now, just the thought of referring to this mixer as worthy, is, well, laughable - to the point of tears.  I found a website (FYKitchen.com) that had the best price and I was so impressed with the reviews of the Viking 7qt mixer, I got the Viking food processor too.  Again, these were a serious investment for me, but as far as I was concerned I was getting the best product available in the world.  I have used the mixer to make all sorts of breads, sweet breads, yeast breads, bagels, sourdough, traditional white, heavy whole wheat breads and many more.  I Have used this mixer to whip butter from fresh cream from locally raised and harvested dairy products.  I have used it to whip egg whites for my wife's favorite Angel Food Cake for her birthday as well as my favorite, carrot cake.  The Viking was certainly not a perfect mixer but it handled everything that I threw at it and rarely complained.  If one can actually love a mixer, then I, believe it or not, loved my mixer.  While making a cake for a client, the very day of my birthday (August 23rd) it was whipping egg whites and it simply shut off and never budged again.  I had to finish whipping the egg whites by hand and by God's grace, the cake still turned out wonderfully. 

 

That begun the new search.  Was I going to replace my dead Vking with a new one?  What about a Kitchen Aid?  What were my other options?

 

Well, my Viking lasted less than 6 years and it was out of warranty.  There was no way that I was going to buy another, especially considering the cost and the fact that Viking has stopped production of these units.  For what it's worth, my Viking food processor died about 6 months ago too.

 

So, now that Viking is off the table, I have to tell you that I have been baking and making breads for years and years.  The top of the line Kitchen Aid is simply not able to handle the heavier dough that I use frequently.  So, if you do not bake breads, the Kitchen Aid is an awesome machine that will handle everything you throw at it.  Plus, they will always make Kitchen Aid parts, unlike Viking.

 

So, what else was out there for someone in my situation?  Well the first thing that I did was to hit my favorite websites (TheFrehLoaf.com amongst others).  The real toss up was between the Boshc Mixer and the Electrolux Verona Assistant DLX.  These mixers use a different gearing and method to knead the dough.  This has enabled them to handle the super heavy doughs that bread bakers like myself use so often.

There are people that are FIRMLY in the camp of each of these products, and for good reason.  You have to want to find an issue with these mixers.  You have to be looking knowing that once you find it, you have to spend as much time justifying the fact that it is an issue as you do explaining what the issue us.  That being said I went with the Verona Assistant.  Again this mixer has a great reputation but it aint cheap.  This has been the preferred mixer for bread bakers all over the globe. And still other famous bread bakers swear by the Bosch.  Either way, you are not going to go wrong. 

 

Which one did I get?  I ended up purchasing the Electrolux Verona Assistant, DLX mixer.  I ordered it from the pleasenthillgrains.com.  It's an online paradise for information regarding home milling and baking. Do the first thing I did was make a large batch of dough, enough to make 4 - 1lb loaves of a heavily seeded whole wheat yeast bread.  The recipe that I have uses flax meal, flax seeds. Salba seeds, Salba meal, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, oat bran, and freshly milled Montana Gold hard red wheat.  This is definitely a seed heavy bread and by all counts should produce a dense and rather heavy loaf.  Instead of falling flat, the gluten development was remarkable.  That enabled the dough to rise to a great height prior to being put into the oven and again produced a surprising oven spring once it was in the oven.  I have eaten a few sandwiches on this bread and really loved it.  It was just as good if not better than breads that were made in the Viking (God rest its soul)... 

I don't do a lat of small batch stuff so I cannot comment on how it does with single batch cookies or cupcakes or anything.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

Chef Pat @ CFL