Marriage
When I met my wife Rebecca the
church that I was going to (a non-denominational church) would not marry
us. According them, because we were
living together, we were living in sin and we were setting a terrible example
for Rebecca’s children and they would not condone it. Later we went to Rebecca’s old church in
Hampton, Va and the did marry us. They
by the way were a Presbyterian church.
My parents were also a little leery, I was 25 or so and Rebecca was 35
and she had two children and I had none.
I was Rebecca’s fourth husband but she was my first wife. I knew that I loved Rebecca and I was quite
sure that she loved me too. Ours was a
relationship that was odd to most, obscene to some, and just fine to others.
Looking back, my first girlfriend
was a classmate from Tabb Elementary School.
She was beautiful, she had long dark hair and a beautiful smile. He name was Trisha and she was a young black
girl from a different part of town than what I was from. I asked my grandma if she could come over one
day and she was excited to meet this girl that I had spoken of so much. As soon as my grandma laid eyes on Trisha I
knew that something was wrong. We played
for the afternoon and I took Trisha out on to the pier at the end of the street
and we fished and swam all day in the York River. It was a great day. After Trisha went home grandma pulled me aside
and told me that if I brought another nigger to her house then I would be asked
to leave right along with her. I grew up
in the South; I had heard the “n” word before but never out of her mouth. I was shocked and angry.
I continued to date Trisha but as
with most elementary school romances it eventually eroded. My point is that I took a lot of flack for
dating a woman of color, and I have since.
However, today mixed relationships are common place. Mixed families are common place.
There are many things that I do not
know about gay marriage. But there are
some things that I do know. I am not gay
and I know for a fact that almost every gay person I know would not wish
homosexuality on their worst enemy. It
is a difficult life to say the least.
While some people are gay because of past abuses, others are gay to make
a statement and still others are gay because they were simply born that way. Who am I to say who is gay or straight for
what reason? Why someone is gay is
entirely their business and their choice.
Let me be clear about
something. I am a Christian to the
core. I love God and I truly believe
that He loves me and everyone else for that matter. But I must say that gay marriage should not
be a polarizing issue. If two people
want to get married then by all means let them.
Marriage is not a religious institution.
Prior to someone being allowed to marry a couple, the must be given
permission by the state, the Church has nothing to do with it. You have to get a license to get married; it
has nothing to do with the Church. My
personal beliefs are irrelevant when it comes to who should be with whom. I am sure that the folks that were taking
slaves from the Dominican Republic, Cuba and Hattie never imagined that us
whites would be marrying them a hundred years later.
So often we inject the Church into
scenarios where it has no right being.
We end up using the Church as a tool to accept some and reject
others. Jesus said clearly that “I came
so everyone could have everlasting life.”
Not straight white males or rich white women. Not just a proud black woman or a protective
black father. Everyone means everyone,
at least the last time I checked it did.
If you were to ask me, do I like women? I would answer with a resounding YES! If you asked me why, I would say that I was
born that way. I have no control over my
preference. Just as I have no control over
my love for fried chicken and carrot cake.
I can however choose not to over indulge, though I rarely do. I was just
born that way. All of my gay friends
would say the same thing. They were born
that way.
America is a place of freedom. Freedom from the pressures of religion, sect,
race or any other imaginary boundaries we can come up with. God honors free choice. As a matter of fact all other commandments in
the New Testament are based on the law of free will. If God honors free will, then who in the hell
are we to dishonor it? Without free will
we are nothing. We cannot choose to love
without free will. We cannot choose to
be kind without free will. We cannot choose
to be accepting without free will. If it
weren’t for free will we would be robots that cannot think for ourselves. God never intended us to be robots. He has however called us to be kind, loving
and accepting of those around us for His sake.
So, while I see our country shaken
to its core as the issue of same sex marriage becomes more and more of a hot
topic, remember, ours is an evolving culture.
America is a melting pot of races, religions, lifestyles and
languages. While some would say that
this is our greatest weakness, I say it is our greatest strength. Honor free will for those around us, the same
way the God honors it for you.
By Pat Caudill Jr
3/228/2013
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